There was a time when I thought success meant being able to handle more. More responsibility. More clients. More opportunities. More people depending on me. More things on the calendar. If I could carry it all, keep smiling, respond to the text, remember the appointment, make payroll, show up for my kids, and somehow still remember to take my supplements, clearly I was winning at life. Right?
As women, especially moms and entrepreneurs, we become dangerously good at carrying a lot. We can answer an email while making dinner, think about a business problem while sitting at our kid’s sporting event, mentally create tomorrow’s to-do list while someone is telling us a story, and then wonder why we can’t shut our brains off at 2:00 a.m. We call it multitasking. Our nervous system might call it something else.
I know this life because I live it. I’m a wife, a mom, an entrepreneur, an author, a speaker, and the founder of Happy Whole You®. I love what I do. I love creating. I love helping people. I love dreaming up the next idea, which is both a gift and probably exhausting for everyone who works with me. “I have an idea” can be a very scary sentence when you’re on my team.
But I’ve also learned there’s a sneaky side to being a high achiever. The more capable we become, the more we tend to take on. And because we’re handling it, no one thinks we need help—including us. We’re not necessarily falling apart. We’re functioning. We’re getting things done. We’re checking boxes. From the outside, it can even look impressive.
Meanwhile, inside, we might be thinking, “Is this what success is supposed to feel like?”
That question has become really important to me.
Entrepreneurship makes it incredibly easy to move the finish line. We tell ourselves, “Once I hit this revenue goal, then I’ll relax.” Then we hit it and immediately create another one. Once I hire this person. Once I launch this program. Once the kids get through this season. Once I finish this project. Once I get through this trip. Once I give this talk. Once, once, once.
Apparently, “once” is the favorite word of ambitious women who have absolutely no intention of slowing down once they actually get there.
I’m all for growth. I don’t believe we need to stop dreaming big, making money, building companies, writing books, taking stages, or creating impact. I want women to do MORE of that. But I’ve started asking myself a different question: What is this version of success costing me?
Because there is always a cost.
Sometimes the cost is worth it. Building something meaningful requires sacrifice. There are seasons when we work longer hours, stretch ourselves, take risks, and do uncomfortable things. That’s part of growth. But there’s a difference between temporary sacrifice and chronic self-abandonment.
And sometimes we don’t realize we’ve crossed that line because we’re too busy being productive.
This is where my work in mindset and whole-person wellness has changed how I look at success. Our minds are amazing at negotiating with us. “I’m fine.” “It’s just a busy season.” “I’ll slow down next month.” “I just need to get through this week.”
The body is a little less impressed with our excuses.
It doesn’t care how important the meeting is. It doesn’t care how many followers we have or what our revenue was last quarter. Eventually, it starts communicating. Maybe we stop sleeping well. Maybe we’re more anxious or irritable. Maybe our energy disappears. Maybe we’re physically present with our family but mentally somewhere else. Maybe the things we once prayed for suddenly feel like obligations.
The body has an interesting way of whispering when something isn’t working. And if we ignore the whisper long enough, sometimes it gets louder.
I’ve had to learn this myself. I’ve had to recognize the difference between building something because I genuinely feel called to create it and building because I’m trying to prove something. Those can look exactly the same from the outside, but they feel completely different on the inside.
That’s why I think we need to ask a question we don’t ask nearly enough in entrepreneurship: Who am I becoming while I build this?
We ask, “How do I scale?” “How do I make more money?” “How do I grow my audience?” “What’s the strategy?” Those are great questions. I ask them too. But what if we also asked: Am I becoming more alive? More present? More connected? More fulfilled? Or am I becoming exhausted, reactive, resentful, and unavailable to the people I’m supposedly doing all of this for?
Ouch. I know.
Here’s the good news: success gets to evolve.
The version of success we chased at 25 doesn’t have to be the version we chase at 45. We are allowed to change our minds. We are allowed to outgrow goals. We are allowed to build differently. We can want ambition AND peace. Money AND meaning. Business AND family. Impact AND health. We can be wildly successful without being wildly exhausted.
And no, this isn’t me telling women to dream smaller. Please don’t.
Build the company. Launch the idea. Write the book. Take the stage. Make the money. Take the trip. Say yes to the opportunity that scares the crap out of you.
Just make sure you’re still somewhere inside the life you’re building.
Because I don’t want to create a life that looks extraordinary from the outside but that I’m too exhausted, distracted, or stressed to actually experience. I don’t want to spend years building something for my family only to realize my family mostly remembers me looking at my phone.
So maybe instead of only asking, “What do I want to accomplish next?” we start asking, “What do I want my life to feel like while I’m accomplishing it?”
Build the business. Raise the family. Chase the dream. Make the impact.
Just don’t forget the woman doing all the building.
Because success should expand who we are, not require us to lose ourselves to achieve it.
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